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Saturday, March 18, 2006
Let the wind blow through your hair while you still have some

   My grandparents are here again. And remember what I said about how much I love my grandma? Hehe... This is good...

   Yesterday, I had Accounts tuition at my house with Jasmyn and Ling Jin. The teacher came early and was setting up his board, yes, he brings his own board, a really big one. In fact, the first time he came to my house, he and the board both got stuck at the door. My helpful maid stood behind him stifling her laughter and mimicking him while I, who was in front of him had to helplessly take control of my natural reactions. And after watching us honk laughter at his unfortunate state, he defied all laws of Physics and got himself out.

    Anyway, he was setting the board up and suddenly Ling Jin started poking me frantically, like trying to ram her finger back into it's socket or something. When I finally got the message, I saw what she was abusing me for. Behind my teacher who was still unaware, there it was, my grandma creeping up behind him. She then stood behind him and jabbed her finger towards him, mouthing o'-so-subltly "who is this?" really loudly, yes my grandma is the only one in the world that can mouth words and say them out. Finally, my teacher turned around and caught sight of my grandma's finger at his face. Before my anatomies seized functioning from want of bursting into maniacal joy, I hopped up and attempted to direct my grandma to the living room where everyone was.

Me: Hi, Ah Mah! We're having tuition now.

She: WHO IS HE?

Me: Our tuition teacher, we're having tuition now.

She: TUITION? THEN WHY IS HE HERE?

Me: He's the tuition teacher. We're gonna haf tuition. The rest of the family are downstairs, why don't you go joi-

She: I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT WHO IS HE?????

Me: He's our tuition teacher.

She: (opens her eyes big big) SO YOUNG AH?

excuse me...?

Me: (dazed...) Errr...

She then goes up and pokes the teacher.

She: *poke poke poke* You very young hor?

He: Err, haha, no lah auntie.

She: WAH... HOW OLD ARE YOU?

He: (mumble mumble mumble....)

She: WAH! SO YOUNG! CAN CALL ME "AH MAH" ALREADY!!!

He: No lah auntie. How old are you?

She: EIGHTY ONE!

He: Wah, still so strong ah!

She: (With an air of a weight lifter who has just lifted Puan Teletubby, she flexed her arms, yes, my grandma just flexed her arms, you know, the way muscle muscle men do to show their muscle muscles) YA! I DO SWIMMING ONE!

He: Ah, yes yes.

   And the conversation went on. The poor embarrassed teacher with a face the shade of a hemophilic chicken that just broke a toe, and my mini, 4-foot high grandma poking him and telling him he looked so young over and over again after asking him who he was, over and over again. If she didn't look so genuine, I'd think she was terrorising him on purpose. I gave up pulling at her arm to lead her away from him and joined Jasmyn and Ling Jin in their crying symphony. We sat there sobbing and watched as the teacher answered the same question for the 40th time before we exploded and roared with mirth again. I don't think he'll ever forget who he is.

I love my grandma.


Typed out by royalty at 3/18/2006 1:04:08 pm, and lived through by the one and only viphuman

 

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Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

"The Pause of Mr. Claus"

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These are the meaningless words above the Tag board.


Notice the below item "Tag board"...


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Oh yea... I proclaim


   

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I will now introduce my royal self...

I am none other than...


Hold your stanky breathes...





The Queen of the World!!



I will now tell you of how I came about...

Well, long long (16 yrs) ago, there once lived a very royal Baby Queen. She, was the one and only... (musicians, get ready...) QUEEN OF THE WORLD.

A royal forecaster once predicted that she will become a rich and famous yet extremely humble ruler, who will be admired by many, yet has the modesty of a...a... gee... I dunno... a... shoe, yea, shoe. He was soon kicked off TV3, ...but that's not the point. The point is that she was and is good and wonderful.

Alas, one day, her royal (now the UNroyal) toilet paper painter could no longer contain his jealousy. He stole the mini Queen from her royal crib, proclaimed himself heir and only son of the 6 month old baby and took the throne. Little did this microscopic minded imbecile know that because of his self acclaimed promotion, he was without a royal toilet paper painter, hehe, but the cunning, quickminded Queen... ah... she saw...

He requested that she be sent to live among the maids, but luckily, the mini Queen was not without her powers of persuasian, which she still uses even now. She carried out a diplomatic conversation with the tissue-painter-who-miniQueenapped-the-miniQueen-and-proclaimed-himself-heir to try and gain her dictatorship. This is what the Royal Record recorded of the conversation
for narrating purposes, he will be known as Toilet paper Man, TM, and I, the Mini Queen, MQ

TM : BANISH HER FROM THIS CASTLE AND PLACE HER IN CARE OF THE ROYAL MAIDS

MQ : *WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!*translation: Shut up you ugly hairy faced man

TM : I have waited long enough for this day, that I may RULE!!!

MQ : *WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! *you want to rule? you go become a ruler, I sell you at MPH

TM : The time has now come for me to fulfill my dreams!!

MQ : WAAAAAAAAHHH!!! WAAAHWAAHHH? WAAA-....WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! *Stupid man, guards, take him away!!! Guards? GUARDS!!!!!!!!

TM : She is no longer worthy to be Queen, she has been in denial long enough!

MQ : WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! *waaaah, waaahhhh

TM : I, the new Queen of the World, Queen Toilet paper Man, do hereby proclaim that all small trees be made into big trees!

MQ : WAAAAAHHHHHH!WAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! *that's not how u proclaim u feet face!!!

TM :Send the baby to the peasants!


*Note, every account of this conversation is true, except the part where she was longer worthy to be queen, it was added by the tissue man in his reign.and this was how the original Queen of the World came






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That the bruised heart was pierced through the ear.

-Othello, Shakespeare-



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