You know, I think school is a place parents put the children they're bored with.

Anyway, that's where I was, roasting in the khatulistiwa-ish weather while the class was being dominated by a woman talking to herself. I was admiring her bushy moustache, when "plok!" something landed on my desk It looked like a lonely piece of lizard shit, so I let it sit, and looked for my friend's ruler to help it along its way. As I turned back to it, I noticed it had apparently moved itself to the other end of my table. Looking at it in awe, I started on my own scientific theories about the laws of horizontal gravity, when suddenly, the piece of shit started walking. To say I was shocked is an understatement, I mean how often do u see faeces taking a stroll on your table? With wide eyed terror, I hysterically begin stabbing all the other sleepy people to life, while gasping breathlessly about walking shit and the world ending, until some really observant creature said "beetle".

            When the impulse finally bonked on my mind and my world made sense once more, I stared at the forlorn little bug hobbling around my desk looking like it was going to start crying out of its ugliness. Feeling guilty and filled with a sense of maternal love and 99 percent boredom, I decided to adopt it. Just as I was thinking of a name suitable for a shit looking beetle that wasn't profanity, my teacher (yea, that was the monologue-ing moustached lady I mentioned earlier) said "Ah, yes, Valerie, so what is the formula?" Formula? I didn't know English had formulas... By the way, did I volunteer? What do you mean "Ah yes, Valerie"? Did I look like I was waving my arms dying to answer your question u little cross eyed troll? "Er…the pi times the-" "The jejari kuasa dua times the tinggi rite?" she croaked. Hello? You just gave me the whole formula, and what? You expect me to start shaking my head and go "NO, it's all wrong. Please ask me the whole formula again, PLEASE ASK ME. In fact, ask me to read the whole textbook, ASK ME NOW!" No, I may be the human who spent ten minutes glaring at a beetle and wondering how shit could travel, but I'm not stupid. Anyway, I nodded my head profusely beaming in pride at how smart she was and sat down. Of course by now, you would have realised that that was the formula for a cylinder and I was having math, and so… My beetle was called "Cylinder"

            By the end of the period, everyone around me had fallen in love with the beetle. We had even stabbed holes all over MY container to put the beetle in. We were talking to it, taking it out, playing with it, planning a future for it, etc. We had even put leaves in for it to eat and flooded the container for it to drink.

            At the end of the day though, we realised a depressing thing, it didn't eat the leaves. Sure it walked around and around and tried drowning in its water. When that didn't work, it just stopped moving and glared up at me, but it.did.not.eat.the.leaves. Almost thinking that mayb I had really adopted a piece of shit after all, I had a realisation… "BEETLES DON'T EAT LEAVES"